Is it possible to be productive, stay healthy, and remain whole all alone?
In Robert Waldinger's TED Talk, "What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness," the lead researcher emphasizes the incredible significance our closest relationships have.
Although society tends to push us toward desiring money, fame, and fortune… the quality of our lives depends on something much simpler. Waldinger concludes, "The clearest message we get from this 75-year study is this: good relationships keep us happier and healthier, period."
From an early age, I was not so impressed with the biggest, strongest, and fastest athletes as much as I admired the leaders. Captains like Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees, Carla Overbeck of the United States Women’s National Soccer Team, and Richie McCaw of the New Zealand All Blacks come to mind. All held what was best for their team higher than individual recognition. More recently, Diana Taurasi in women’s basketball, Drew Brees in football, and Brodie Merrill in lacrosse all stand out because of their team-first mentalities.
Serving others is not an innate trait. It is a skill cultivated over time.
Relationships are not passive – they require attention, effort, and evolution. As human beings, we are born selfish for the sake of survival. We cry when we are not fed, and we become upset when we do not get what we want. Unless we are encouraged and guided on how to do so, we refrain from giving away what we have. Moreover, most school systems shift our focus away from sharing to striving for the best personal grade on each exam.
What we call cheating in school, we call teamwork in business and sports! In the workplace, efficiency demands collaboration and communication, yet conversing on assignments and tests is penalized throughout one’s educational journey. Since we are accustomed to being self-centered by nature, we must counter-culturally train ourselves to be selfless. Consciously keeping the best interest of others in mind, demonstrating empathy with close relationships on a consistent basis and developing trust through effective communication are essential to everyday health, stress management, and performance.
The opposite of survival-mode is community-oriented.
Several years ago, one single idea enhanced the way I looked at true success. Dr. Cristina Versari, a sport psychologist formerly in charge of the NBA Education and Career Development Program, a lead authority on performance enhancement, and a mentor of mine in Sport Psychology, said to me, "The Olympians I work with who have won gold medals all have the same thing in common: they have their relationships in order. Of course, they train hard and recover well; however, the separating factor is the health of their relationships."
Without even knowing it, she opened my eyes, heart, and mind to the urgency and necessity of loving relationships. I created and embraced the mantra, “It’s about others.” Two years later, I competed in the Premier Lacrosse League's inaugural season and received the Jimmy Regan Teammate of the Year Award. I attribute this recognition to one thing: consistent awareness of and appreciation for the quality of my closest relationships — my inner circle of God, family, and friends.
Professor Donald Dell, former professional tennis player turned esteemed teacher, concludes his courses at the University of Virginia Law School with the following five words. He tells his students if they want to be successful in law, business, or life, the most important thing they need to do is… “build relationships and develop trust.”
Sometimes the hardest things to do are the things we need to do the most. It's not easy to move on from a long relationship that no longer serves our betterment; it's not easy to start new relationships from scratch; and it's certainly not easy to maintain contact with loved ones on a consistent basis. Nevertheless, as strivers, our network is our net worth.
Our relationships are where we go to relate.
We attract who we are.
The health of our relationships determines the peak of our performances.