More Clear, Less Fear

FEAR, often acronymed as False Evidence Appearing Real, is a negative assumption about one’s perceived reality that drives 80% of an individual’s major life decisions, according to the Harvard Business Review.

“We cannot defeat what we don’t define.”

Once an individual cultivates an understanding of who they are, becomes self-aware of their qualities and weaknesses, and sets their mind on a vision and goals, clearly defining personal obstacles becomes the separating factor between flash-in-the-pan motivation and abiding self-actualization.

“Oaf” (noun): a stupid or clumsy person.

Here’s a better way of looking at OAF:

• Overwhelm
• Anger
• Fear

Nobody is brainless on purpose. Nobody craves clumsiness. Nobody wants to act, look, or seem stupid in front of others. These three obstacles subconsciously and unconsciously damage decision-making and bungle behavior.

For a deep dive on this topic, research the work of social psychologist Devon Price: “Laziness Does Not Exist, but Unseen Barriers Do.”

The key word is unseen.

We must acknowledge, accept, and address these barriers.

For once we see, we cannot unsee—and awareness is the first step to change.

So:

(a) How do we handle the accumulated, chronic stress that leads to overwhelm?
(b) What can we do to combat, cope with, and conquer feelings of anger?
(c) Why is fear such a powerful emotion—so powerful that it prevents performance?

Here’s one answer, one story, and one encouragement for each:

(a) Stress + Recovery = Growth

We must set aside time to prioritize our own health and well-being. Perhaps once or twice per day, or a few times per week, we designate ME TIME in our hectic calendars. A few hours each day might be unrealistic; however, if we don’t have 5–10 minutes for self-care, we don’t have a life—we have a prison.

When Simone Biles, the most decorated gymnast of all time, withdrew from the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, overwhelm displayed its authority over the human psyche. Not just any human—an Olympian. Not just any Olympian—Simone Biles. By prioritizing Simone Time within her strict training and routine, she went on to win three gold medals and one silver medal in the 2024 Paris Olympics.

Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs, if we adapt after failure. Where and when in your life—at home or at work—are you not saying “No”? This two-letter word can be in itself a full sentence. Use it. Olympians set healthy boundaries in their lives. I encourage you to do so, too.

(b) Anger: The Lowest-Hanging Fruit

Among the array of emotions we feel—including, but not limited to, embarrassment, guilt, happiness, joy, pride, sadness, and surprise—anger is the easiest one to grab when things don’t go our way. Becoming mindful of bodily sensations, energies in motion within us, and palpable feelings through journaling or conversing with a trusted friend allows us to regulate our emotions. This emotional regulation leads to greater amounts of calmness, tranquility, and peace.

The flames of anger either cook our food or burn our house down.

On July 9, 2006, one of the world’s best soccer players lost his cool when it mattered most. In the 110th minute of extra time in the FIFA World Cup Final, France’s superstar Zinedine Zidane head-butted Italy’s defender, Marco Materazzi. Zidane was given a red card, and Italy went on to win 5–3 in a penalty shootout. Provoked by Materazzi’s insulting words, Zidane emotionally snapped, grabbed the lowest-hanging fruit, and was ejected.

This moment does not define Zidane—after all, he was still awarded the Golden Ball for the tournament’s best player. However, here we are, roughly two decades later, reminiscing about one of the most memorable moments in World Cup history—a story of emotional dysregulation and the authority of anger over the human psyche.

It’s not about what’s happening around you or to you; it’s about what’s happening inside of you.

The following encouragement, catalyzed by Michele McDonald and popularized by Tara Brach, is known as RAIN:

• Recognize
• Allow
• Investigate
• Nurture

Mindfully and compassionately accept inner volatility. Breathe through frustration. Shift your attention toward growth instead of grief. With practice and repetition, you become less triggered. After all, a gun only fires when it’s loaded with anger; switching the safety on requires emotional regulation.

(c) “Fear is healthy; panic is deadly.”

Fear keeps us alert. Being afraid keeps us learning. However, too much fear = too tight, too tense, too tentative—too focused on the outcome. It’s important to care without becoming careless. Care less about the results. Care more about the process—doing so increases preparation and readiness. In turn, FAITH flushes away fear.

In 2003, a 13-year-old girl lost her left arm in a shark attack while surfing in Hawaii. Despite this trauma and amidst deep fear, Bethany Hamilton got back on her surfboard and into the ocean just one month after the attack. With one arm, she went on to become a professional surfer, an inspiration for millions worldwide, a writer, and a motivational speaker. The movie Soul Surfer and her book Be Unstoppable shed light on her courage through fear-filled endeavors.

Just as life rewards specific asks and punishes vague wishes, clearly defining our fears gives us the power to overcome them. Threats hidden in fog cannot be conquered.

I encourage you not only to set high aspirations but also to explicitly write out your fears. The more specific, the more terrific. Next, create a plan. Then, take courageous action. Do it afraid.

Boundaries > Overwhelm

RAIN > Anger

Faith-Filled Courage > Fear

Once defined, then defeated.

— MG